It's all good...

Stranger in a very strange land.

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Things I read fairly regularly

  • Mostly Medical Misadventures & Mishaps
  • Comedy Central
  • Daddy Geek Boy
  • Floor Pie
  • Fussbucket
  • Go Fug Yourself
  • Kate Harding's Shapely Prose
  • Mother Talkers
  • My Imperfect Truth
  • Offsprung
  • Pythonline
  • Sadie's Soapbox
  • Suburban Kamikaze
  • The Innocence Project
  • The Tragically Hip

Music

  • KT Tunstall - Eye to the Telescope

    Eye to the Telescope
    KT Tunstall: Eye to the Telescope

  • Sara Bareilles - Little Voice

    Little Voice
    Sara Bareilles: Little Voice

  • The Tragically Hip -

    The Tragically Hip: Phantom Power

  • AC/DC -

    AC/DC: Back in Black

  • The Police -

    The Police: Synchronicity [Digipak]

  • Spirit of the West -

    Spirit of the West: Save This House

  • Ruthie Foster -

    Ruthie Foster: The Phenomenal Ruthie Foster

Screw you Suzanne Somers

Suzanne Somers is on my television telling me that it's not my fault that I can't lose weight.   She's wrong, of course.   It is entirely my fault that I can't lose weight.  I accept it.  I know that no one is forcing me to pick up the can of Pringles and pour them into my mouth.   I know that no one is holding me down to prevent me from going to the YMCA (our membership keeps pulling money out every month and even that doesn't get me to go).   I know that no one cooks for me so what I eat is entirely in my control.   No one makes me eat my feelings (delicious, delicious feelings).    It is my fault that I can't - or more correctly, don't - lose weight.   It can be done.  It's tough.  It's a choice I would have to make but to tell me that it's not my fault is a crock of shit under a platnum blonde wig. 

For a long time I believed that I was a thin girl stuck in the body of a fat girl.   I have been thin.  Well, I've been less fat than I am now.    I bought my wedding dress 2 sizes too small and dieted myself into it.   I managed to stay that weight until I had my first baby and even in between babies I lost the weight - never rail thin, but able to shop in a store that doesn't carry anything past a 12.    Back when a 12 was actually a 12.    The summer after my father in law passed away I gained 10 pounds and they refuse to go anywhere.   They're here with me all the time like my tattoo or that funny mole thing on my cheek.   We've become fairly good friends.  They keep me warm in the winter and moist in the summer.  Yeah...sorry, that was gross. 

At any rate, I'm fat because I eat too much and don't move enough.  It's as simple as that for me.  It's much like saying it's not my fault that I'm not on Broadway - except that I never worked for that goal and that's why it hasn't happened (and I lack the talent).   

 My choices led me down this road.   I think it's better to accept that than to think the world is out to get me.  

 I may be fat, but I'm not dumb. 

December 23, 2011 | Permalink | Comments (0)

I thought this was cool

but I'm easily amused. 

Google Maps has an option where it gives you the time to walk somewhere.   So I guess if you looked up the directions from your house to your grocery store and you wanted to walk there you could find out how long it might take to go there.   My car knows the way without me needing to really steer but it could be useful to someone else who doesn't have a grocery store addiction (or who is actually able to plan out enough meals to not need to go to the grocery store daily).    So I was looking at doing a road trip to Washington DC and wanted to know the distance from here to there.   It's about 6 hours or so by car and 4 days if you walk it.    Of course that led me to wondering about the walking distance between crazy distant places.   So I did St John's to Victoria.   48 days - so you could take your whole summer and walk across Canada.   Although parts of it will be very wet - I like the jaunt along the St Lawrence...it would be quite beautiful but watch for bears in the piece through the wilds of Northern Quebec and Northern Ontario.     Here's another fun one - Austin, TX to Toronto, Ont - 20 days...try to keep the kids entertained on that journey!   And proving that everything is walking distance if you have enough time....  (at this point I was going to do the walking distance between Juneau, AK and Santiago, Chile but Google failed me...it's really, really far though...so pack extra walking shoes because you'll probably wear out a couple of pairs on the journey)

Okay so it's not earth shattering but it's postponing having to rake the lawn.   

November 03, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Squawk, Bitch, Complain

I did a crazy thing this summer.   While I was at the laundromat due to dryer malfunction I ripped an article out of an Oprah magazine.    I really did.   I looked around to see that none of the other people in the laundromat were looking and then I ripped the whole article (several pages) from the magazine and tucked it into the basket with my clean (ish) laundry.    It was an article by Martha Beck who is a well known author of such books as Find Your Own North Star (which is standing in my kitchen bookcase half read and covered in dust) and lots of other feel goody, get your shit together kind of books.   I don't normally read that sort of thing and probably ought to but I bought that one several years ago on a sale rack at a low moment when I thought I could read my way out of the dumps and find a path out of laundry and diapers and snotty noses.   Little did I know that time would fix two out of four of those problems.    

Martha Beck is a well respected people person and she's got a nice style - it's friendly and familiar and at times it's funny too.   There's a lot to like about her and her work it's just that the whole "self help" thing just ain't my bag.   I'm a wallower.   I'm a wallowing wallower.   

So it surprised me that I actually tore the article out of the magazine at the laundromat.   It was about how complaining and "venting" really doesn't seem to help.   That exploding over stuff or holding stuff in to explode over it is not generally helpful.   That little things irritating the snot out of you to the point that you have to "vent" only results in more negative feelings and doesn't really get it out.    Several years ago when we lived in Texas we had a neighbour who had a son around my children's age.   This neighbour didn't drive which meant that she couldn't get anywhere in the neighbourhood where we lived because there was no public transit and so sitting at my kitchen table and complaining was one of the only things she could do.     I was really down at the time.   I was an unhappy stay at home mom who never intended to be a stay at home mom.   I was in Texas which was so far out of my comfort zone both in terms of temperature and distance from family and I felt like a fish out of water most of the time.     So sitting with this neighbour and bitching and complaining all the long afternoons seemed like a good way to pass the time.    It wasn't.    It started to occur to me that I felt much, much worse after spending an afternoon with this woman than I did before.   That the constant squawking and bitching and complaining about the heat and about the differences between where we'd grown up and where we were living wasn't helpful at all.     It's terrible to admit but moving to New York and getting away from that neighbour and the incessant complaining was very, very good for me.  

Now, you're probably saying...but loca, you complain a lot even in your present situation.   Seriously, who do you think you're fooling.   I won't say that you're wrong.   I do complain a lot.   I do use this forum to complain a lot.   It's not really fair to say that I've changed and that I'm all over the complaining and squawking and bitching because I'm not.   I've been going around and around with my career choice and my fight with NYS to have my Ontario certification recognized and it's been a hassle.   The Martha Beck article was useful to me for about 10 minutes this summer in helping me to see that the bitching doesn't lead anywhere.    And that while I recognize other people's venting (like the neighbour) as being tiresome and irritating - I mean, who wants to listen to someone who only has negative things to say all the time or who's always on the point of exploding when some small thing comes up...it's exhausting to be part of that...uh..where was I?  Oh yeah.   I need to focus on what I can do to improve things.   

There was a poem that I memorized in high school that summed it all up but I guess I didn't really take the lessons of the poem to heart.   (I'll try to write it here but I may be missing pieces of it and I don't know who to credit with writing it)

There once was an oyster whose story I'll tell

who found that some sand had got under his shell

just one little grain, but it gave him such pain

Now did he berate the workings of fate that had lead him to such a deplorable state?

Did he curse the government? Call on the sea to give him protection?

No.  He said to himself as he sat on the shelf

"Since I cannot remove it, I'll try to improve it"

As the years rolled on by, as the years often do

He came to his ultimate destiny...stew

And that one grain of sand that had bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow

Now this tale has a moral for isn't it grand what an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do if we'd only begin improving the things that get under our skin?

 

Cheesy, eh?   But worthwhile and that's what the Martha Beck article was saying.   Channel the venting, channel the angy (not Carl Paladino style though...) and fix the source of the problem or if you can't fix the source of the problem then use the angry to get something else positive done.  

Here's the article that I stole  Martha Beck's Anti-Complain Campaign and I plan to read it again when things start to irritate me to the point of needing a vent.  

Don't worry that I'll go Mary Sunshine on you...that won't happen.  

 

October 25, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

What I did on my summer vacation...

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Went to Lake Huron, saw lighthouse.

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Went north to cottage, replaced shingles.  Drank beer - after getting off the roof.

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Tried to hammer quietly so we wouldn't disturb the birdies on the lamp. 

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Jumped off the dock.

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Lego Robots!!! Doing battle!  In a circle! In a square!

  

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And back to Lake Huron.  Because we love to drive.

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Oh what the heck...let's go to Toronto too! 

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Yummy, yummy burgers...

Up to cottage - party, party, party...

Back home - driving in thunderstorm...again...

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Say, isn't that Lake Huron again?  Why, yes it is!  Family wedding - Open Bar! - very fun except for the time between the toilets backing up and the sun going down.   

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And I had a birthday too. 

  
   

September 06, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (1)

The last two weeks

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St Louis, Missouri - I could see the arch from my hotel room window

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Madison, Wisconsin. (out my hotel room window)

Shiner 
Lexington, Kentucky - Hello Shiner, my old friend!

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Fried Green Tomatoes - had to try them! 

And this made me laugh...

KY Safety


Doesn't give any guidance as to exactly how long prior to conception...

  

June 21, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

10 Happy Things

Just for a change today I'm not going to bitch and complain (that seems to be the underlying theme of this blog...probably most blogs...) I'm going to come up with 10 happy things.  

1. I have the house to myself and I can do whatever I want after I get it all cleaned, all the laundry done and all the shopping and baking and preparing done for the birthday party tomorrow and my mother in law's visit and my work trip to Phoenix.   But I have the house to myself. 

2. I put the hammock that we don't use at the end of the driveway so someone may get a free hammock today!

3.  When the dog barfed up the grass he ate he did it outside.

4. I have lost the 4 pounds I needed to lose this month so I can fit into my suit for Monday's trip to Phoenix.

5. I spent some of my iTunes money last night and bought a bunch of new (to me) songs including some Cake and some Hives and some One eskimO ...which sounds like a very strange shopping list. 

6. I'm almost halfway through last season of Glee which I have to say I enjoyed much more last night than catching up on the Grey's Anatomy season finale...it was a bad idea to watch that right before going to bed alone.

7.  I think I'm going to take myself out for lunch.   If I have one of those big 1200 calorie meals at a restaurant I'm set for the day and I won't have to cook my own dinner.

8. There's a very old man running shirtless down my street.   This is a happy thing because....um...well...it's nice that he has the kind of self esteem that lets his brain think it's okay for him to run shirtless in his 80's.    Oh...and that he's (probably) in his 80's and running.  

9.  um...hang on...okay...the cat let me sleep in until 7:30 this morning before doing the clawing at my toes wake up call.

10.  I'm going to make what looks to be a delicious Mac and Cheese that doesn't come from a box for dinner tomorrow.    And I'm not taking any garbage from the kids about it either.

May 22, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do you do?

I met a neighbour the other day.  She lives behind us off to the right and has two little kids.   Her kids were playing in the woods that separate the houses - no fences in this part of the world - and my kids were playing outside while I did some yard work.   My kids went over to investigate the strange sound of children in our neighbourhood and met them.   When her kids wanted to come over and see our stuff as kids do she came along.   Her kids are 5 and 3 so naturally she didn't send them off into the woods with strange children.    After we'd introduced ourselves she said "What do you do?"   It's a great question.   It's a common question that usually helps to lead a conversation.    The problem was that I had to come up with an answer. 

A month ago I would have said I was a real estate agent but I finally realized that I'm not cut out for that type of work and put it on the pile of failed careers that I keep in the basement.  I could have said I'm a corporate trainer but the training work has dried up for the moment and I don't have a project going on with them.  So I was left with this "I'm a substitute paraprofessional"   (a paraprofessional is a teaching assistant in NYS)

A substitute paraprofessional.   I'm not even a real paraprofessional.  I'm a substitute paraprofessional. 

It's curious the way who we are is so tied to what we do.   I mean, I guess I'm still primarily a stay at home mother.  The majority of my time is spent caring for my family and home with no pay so I guess that's still who I am.  It's just that they're big now and I have this desire to be something else - and a salary would be a welcome addition to our lives - and I guess I'm kind of vain in that I think it should be something with a title.   Substitute paraprofessional is a title, I suppose.  

I told myself...hell, I told everyone...that staying home with the kids (through no fault of my own) wasn't going to affect my ability to walk back into the job market when I got my green card or when they were big enough to not need full time childcare.    Of course it isn't even the hole in my resume that keeps me from stepping into a full time career but the side of the border I'm on.   I believe that if we had stayed in Canada I would be able to walk back into a full time teaching job with a good salary and a pension and benefits.    In NYS I'm left jumping through hoops - 3 exams, several workshops and now at least a year of university to take courses that I didn't have to take in Ontario....followed by having to get a master's if (IF!) I can even get a teaching job.    It is a major pain in the arse.  

But for now, I have that substitute paraprofessional work to fall back on.  

Maybe it's snobby to think I want something more.  That I want a career with a better (or at least shorter) title.  

May 01, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Train Wreck

So going back to look at my last two posts you would be right to assume that I'd actually lost my mind over the weekend.   Apparently I freaked my sister out and she called to make sure I wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere with a mind full of chemicals like some cheese-eating high school kid (shout out to TPOH there). 

I'm fine.   Well, I'm not fine but I'm less frustrated and angry than I was.   The Dude came home from his trip and when I explained what I'd done, he laughed.   Although he admitted that he doesn't like confrontation and does avoid it where possible he wasn't upset with me for taking on the scout leader.    I think he may have been a little proud even.  Not that he'd ever admit it because it would only encourage me.   

I guess as far as the YMCA situation goes the only thing to do is to teach #3 to do the deep water swim test and be able to cross the buoy line....since as Fiona would say "Rules are rules"  of course she was also the one who had 6 jobs in a span of 10 months and all of her bosses were assholes...all of them...tells you something, doesn't it?    No...let's not muddy the waters.  Rules are rules afterall.   

March 30, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today just kept getting better

So after my little go round with the scout Napoleon I had the boys here all day and decided to take them to the Rec Centre to swim.  We have a fabulous Rec Centre (actually it's a Rec Center because of the whole American thing) and by the time we got there it was closing.   We were there last weekend with the Dude's sister and her kids and it closed at 7 on Saturday but now it closes at 5 on Saturdays.... awesome.  

So we headed to the YMCA where we have a membership.  Nothing fancy at the Y but the boys and I could do the free swim thing.  #2 is a good swimmer and has passed the "deep water swim test" and can swim in the whole pool but #3 although a fine swimmer for 6 years old has not passed the swim test and so he hangs out in the shallow end.   Since it's the YMCA I go into the pool with them when they swim. 

We're swimming happily for a while and #3 says "Let's go into the deep end" and we've always been able to take him into the deep end with an adult.   So I grab a pool noodle and we start heading for the deep end.   The lifeguard stops us and says that they've got new rules and that non-deep-end swimmers can't go in the deep end.   So I say "but I'm going to be right with him and I have a pool noodle"   he doesn't budge. 

Of course, he can't budge...because as my old neighbour Fiona used to say in her thick Scottish accent...Rules are Rules. 

I asked why it was that his swim teacher could take him into the deep end and was told that that was because she was a swim teacher...with 6 kids in the class and with me just supervising him...so not allowed to take my own kid into the deep end.   Safety reasons and all that.  

Enough.  Enough protection and for my own good crap.  I am sick unto death of all of this nanny state bullshit.   I cannot buy beer at the grocery store without ID.  I cannot take my own six year old into the deep end and be trusted to supervise him, I cannot be trusted to pick up donations from the streets where the bags were dropped off. 

Enough.  

Okay, so I'm busy polishing off a bottle of red wine but still...? Doesn't this strike anyone else as absolutely ridiculous?   I'm sick of being treated like an idiot.  Sick of being treated like a criminal. Sick of being treated this way.   

March 27, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Oh no....now I've done it.

My sons are in scouts. My husband is the den leader for #2's group...pack...section...area..whatever. I do not do scouts. It's their thing and I try as hard as I can to not have anything to do with it. The leader of the scout troop is an unpleasant man who is controlling and difficult and very, very serious about how valuable scouting is in the lives of boys. He works very hard to make things great but is one of those people who cannot delegate and does not trust the adults around him to look after the things they are responsible for and treats them like idiots. A couple of weeks ago he sent my husband a truly arseholey email regarding something very small - he used italics for emphasis...seriously...italics. And in the most ridiculous places.

He's a jackass and while I usually have no direct contact with him this morning I went toe to toe with him and I'm going to be in trouble...with my husband.

Last week the boy scouts dropped off bags around the neighbourhood to collect food and clothes for charity - this week they had to pick up the full bags and drop them off at a church. We didn't know the drop off point though and were told to gather at the school to find out where to drop the stuff off. Usually you are assigned certain streets to drop off and pick up - it's not that complicated...and it's the 4th year these boys have been doing it and this group of parents has been doing it. Since one of the parents lives in the neighbourhood it was decided that they'd send one of the leaders to the school to find out where the drop off was and the rest of the group would go to this parent's house and they'd meet there and do the pick up. It's not rocket science.

Unfortunately my husband had to go to Canada this morning for a funeral and the other dad who is the leader had to work this morning so his wife and their four kids were going to just go to the meeting place and I would have to go to the school and find out where the drop off location was....

The leader was late and it was cold this morning (so cold I let the boys wait in the car) and when he showed up he was taking forever to get things started so I went up and asked where the drop off point was - his wife (who is very nice and for the life of me I can't see what she sees in him) said it was at a particular church and that was when I made my mistake. In attempting to reassure him that our group had their act together and we were taking care of the streets we'd been assigned I accidentally told him we were meeting in the neighbourhood and they wouldn't all be coming to the school - so that before he got worried that a whole group was missing, we actually had it all covered and everything would be okay.

It was a major mistake.

He lectured me (and I do mean lectured) on how it doesn't work that way and that in the five years he's been running this organization they always meet at the school before they go out and what if...blah...blah...blah.

A different person would have apologized and let it go but I'm not about to be bullied. So I gave it back. My husband was at a funeral (a funeral...dude...) and that we'd be taking care of the streets we'd been assigned to and that it was taken care of.

It was bad. Like...he was an asshole and I'm sure I was no better...but we're grown ups. He brought up that the den leaders (my husband and the other dad) had been doing it for 4 years and should know how it's done...yeah..they've been doing it for 4 years so they can handle it.

I left it with "We'll be taking care of those streets so you don't need to worry about them..." and I left before the whole big meeting where he could feel all adored and in control started. I met the other parents from our group and told them what I'd done. They thought his reaction was stupid since we were handling the pick up just fine.

While we were driving around doing the pick up this asshat drove around the streets we were doing...he didn't stop but I know he was checking up on us....that kind of controlling.

So, what's the problem? All's well that ends well....right?

The problem is that I will be in trouble with my husband when he finds out. He avoids confrontation at all costs. He will be upset with me for going a round with the leader guy. And since this is his domain and his reputation (he is really the nicest guy ever) he will be worried that he'll have to answer for my behaviour.

I feel a tiny bit guilty for it. I don't give a shit what the leader guy thinks of me but I hate to upset my husband.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice or anything but I'm on my own for the weekend and it's too early to start drinking and it's high time I started acting like myself around here. This place is so Stepfordy it's nuts and I've been trying to fit in...I think I'm done with that.

March 27, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Recent Posts

  • Screw you Suzanne Somers
  • I thought this was cool
  • Squawk, Bitch, Complain
  • What I did on my summer vacation...
  • The last two weeks
  • 10 Happy Things
  • What do you do?
  • Train Wreck
  • Today just kept getting better
  • Oh no....now I've done it.

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