Suzanne Somers is on my television telling me that it's not my fault that I can't lose weight. She's wrong, of course. It is entirely my fault that I can't lose weight. I accept it. I know that no one is forcing me to pick up the can of Pringles and pour them into my mouth. I know that no one is holding me down to prevent me from going to the YMCA (our membership keeps pulling money out every month and even that doesn't get me to go). I know that no one cooks for me so what I eat is entirely in my control. No one makes me eat my feelings (delicious, delicious feelings). It is my fault that I can't - or more correctly, don't - lose weight. It can be done. It's tough. It's a choice I would have to make but to tell me that it's not my fault is a crock of shit under a platnum blonde wig.
For a long time I believed that I was a thin girl stuck in the body of a fat girl. I have been thin. Well, I've been less fat than I am now. I bought my wedding dress 2 sizes too small and dieted myself into it. I managed to stay that weight until I had my first baby and even in between babies I lost the weight - never rail thin, but able to shop in a store that doesn't carry anything past a 12. Back when a 12 was actually a 12. The summer after my father in law passed away I gained 10 pounds and they refuse to go anywhere. They're here with me all the time like my tattoo or that funny mole thing on my cheek. We've become fairly good friends. They keep me warm in the winter and moist in the summer. Yeah...sorry, that was gross.
At any rate, I'm fat because I eat too much and don't move enough. It's as simple as that for me. It's much like saying it's not my fault that I'm not on Broadway - except that I never worked for that goal and that's why it hasn't happened (and I lack the talent).
My choices led me down this road. I think it's better to accept that than to think the world is out to get me.
I may be fat, but I'm not dumb.
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